Its Just a Joke

Good Lawyer

2010-04-06T21:56:00.001+07:00

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating, grass!

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree'.
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!'
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... .
Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers.

(Also, don't send this to your good friends who are also lawyers)!

Chilly Question & Answer

2009-06-21T14:32:00.002+07:00

Girlfriend: And are you sure you love me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday

*********

Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?

Customer: What other colors do you have?

*********

Manager: Sorry, but I can't give u a job. I don't need much help.

Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!!

*********

Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?

Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it.

*********

Diner: I can't eat such a rotten chicken. Call the manager!

Waiter: It's no use. He won't eat it either.

*********

Diner: You'll drive me to my grave!

Waiter: Well, you don't expect to walk there, do you?

*********

Husband: U know, wife, our son got his brain from me.

Wife: I think he did, I've still got mine with me!

*********

Man: Officer! There's a bomb in my garden!

Officer: Don't worry. If no one claims it within three days, you can keep it.

*********

Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!

Son: That's why I say she's no good!

*********

Bin Laden's letter

2008-11-24T07:28:00.002+07:00

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama bin Laden is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6.

Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.
Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply:

'Tell the President he's holding the note upside down'.
Warmest regards,

The American Dream

2008-04-23T17:26:00.002+07:00

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

"How long it took you to catch them?" The American asked.
"Only a little while." The Mexican replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The American then asked.
"I have enough to support my family's immediate needs." The Mexican said.

"But," The American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed,

"I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats."

"Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?"
The American laughed and said,
"That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said slowly,
"Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos..."

Hasta La Vista.

MOSES

2008-04-21T16:50:00.001+07:00

Recently, while allegedly going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and asked, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice.
The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.

The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?
The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.

"Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!"
Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert, and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."

Mr. Bean

2008-02-05T17:45:00.001+07:00

1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

5) Marriage:
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful.. ..is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

Nine Words Women Use...

2008-02-05T16:46:00.000+07:00

1.)

Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2.)

Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.)

Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

4.)

Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.)

Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.)

That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom a n
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.)

Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.)

Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.)

Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh,

cause they know it's true.

Whats the matter Honey?

2008-02-05T11:53:00.000+07:00

A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging around pots and pans in the kitchens.

When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat but, more importantly, is very upset about something.

"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"

"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it worked!"

"Then what's the matter? Were there a lot of bugs in it?"

"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked perfectly!"

"So what's wrong?"

"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a few minutes."

"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.

"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

The Future Looks Good

2008-02-05T10:19:00.001+07:00

Just Click the Board

Amerindia

2008-02-05T09:41:00.000+07:00

A gorilla job !

2008-02-05T08:43:00.000+07:00

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.

As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla,

had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and

pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts,

But Hey!

He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.

The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up.

This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show,

jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.

During one acrobatic attempt, though,

he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting,

landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.

He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses,

"Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs !"

*******

Track Your Friends Using a Satellite Map

2008-01-24T14:05:00.000+07:00

Mobile Phone GPS tracking is a real technology which can be used for security of cars and trucks,
safety of kids and for business solutions.
But in this case...

Try out this mobile phone tracker, it's great!
Track any connected mobile phone using a satellite map with coverage anywhere in the world!!!!
Log on to
http://www.sat-gps-locate.com

---

True Story, Calls from Death Girl

2008-01-23T14:11:00.000+07:00

This is a true story from a University at Jakarta regarding a young girl that just passed away last month. Her name is Samara. She died by traffic accident.
Samara has a boy friend name Ari, and they both love each other. They always call each other by their cell phone. You would never found Samara without her cell phone. Smara spent almost a half day to chat with Ari by her cellphone. Samara's family knew it. And Ari has a good relationship with Samara's parents. Imagine how close their relationship.

Before died, Samara told her friends and family, if sometime she die she ask to graved with her cell phone.

Capek cerita bhs Inggris...
Diulang aja pake bahasa Indonesia...

Kisah dari sebuah Universitas di Jakarta tentang seorang gadis muda yang baru meninggal bulan lalu. Namanya Samara. Dia meninggal karena tertabrak truk. Samara punya seorang pacar namanya Ari. Kedua nya saling menyayangi. Mereka selalu berteleponan. Kamu tidak akan pernah melihat Samara tanpa handphone-nya. Samara menghabiskan hampir setengah hari untuk mengobrol dengan Ari. Keluarga Samara pun tahu hubungan mereka. Ari sangat dekat dengan keluarga Samara, bayangkan betapa dalamnya hubungan mereka..

Sebelum dia meninggal dia selalu berkata pada teman2 nya " Kalo gua meninggal tolong kuburkan gua sama handphone gua ". Dan dia juga mengatakan hal yang sama kepada orangtuanya.

Ketika Samara meninggal, ada kejadian aneh, tidak ada seorangpun yang dapat mengangkat peti matinya. Saya juga berada disana. Banyak orang termasuk saya yang mencoba tapi tetap tidak bisa. Akhirnya mereka memanggil "orang pintar". Dia memegang sebatang kayu dan mulai berbicara sendiri perlahan.

Setelah beberapa menit orang pintar itu berkata "gadis ini kehilangan sesuatu disini". Lalu teman2 Samara berkata kepada orang pintar itu tentang keinginannya untuk dikubur dengan handphonenya.

Kemudian mereka membuka kembali peti mati nya dan menaruh handphone serta Simcard nya. Setelah itu mereka mencoba untuk mengangkat kembali peti matinya. Dan anehnya peti mati itu dapat diangkat dan dipindahkan ke mobil jenazah dengan mudah. Kami semua yang melihat ini sangat kaget.

Keluarga Samara tidak memberitahukan tentang kematian Samara kepada Ari. Setelah 2 minggu kematian Samara, Ari menelepon mama Samara dan berkata " Saya akan pulang hari ini, tolong buatkan masakan yang enak untukku. Dan jangan katakan pada Samara bahwa aku akan datang, aku ingin membuat kejutan untuknya "
Mama Samara menjawab " Datanglah dahulu, tante ingin memberi tahu sesuatu. " Setelah Ari datang, mereka memberitahukan tentang kematian Samara.
Ari mengira mereka sedang bercanda, dia hanya tertawa dan berkata " Jangan bercanda, bilang pada Samara untuk keluar, aku membawa sesuatu untuk nya."

Akhirnya mereka membawa Ari ke kuburan Samara. Ari sangat terkejut. Lalu Ari berkata, "Ini tidak mungkin. Kami berbicara kemarin. Dia masih tetap menelepon" Ari bergetar.

Tiba-tiba handphone nya berbunyi, "Lihat ini dari Samara, lihat ini..." Ari memperlihatkan handphone nya ke keluarga Samara, dan mereka menyuruh Ari untuk menjawab.
Ari menjawab telepon itu dengan memakai speaker. Mereka semua mendengar pembicaraan itu dengan sangat jelas & jernih, tidak ada gangguan apapun. Dan itu benar2 suara Samara dan sangat tidak mungkin ada orang lain yang memakainya karena Sim Card nya sudah dikubur bersama Samara.

Mereka semua sangat terkejut dan memanggil "orang pintar" untuk membantu mereka lagi.
"Orang pintar" itu membawa teman nya untuk mencari jawaban atas keanehan ini. orang pintar dan teman nya itu bekerja selama 5 jam. Dan mereka menemukan jawabannya.. ...

"Sinyal kuat INDOSAT. Kemanapun kamu pergi,jaringan nya selalu ada..."

(he...he..he. ..he...he. .)

Why "King Kong" is used to call a Big Monkey?

2008-01-22T12:25:00.001+07:00

Why "King Kong" is used to call a Big Monkey?

Why don't use "Great Ape", "King Monkey", "Giant Ape", "Giant Mongkey", or something else ?

Menurut ahli bahasa, kata King Kong berasal dari bahasa Inggris dan bahasa Latin, yang artinya Raja Monyet.
King artinya Raja (bahasa Inggris) dan Kong artinya Monyet (bahasa Latin).

Berikut adalah kata-kata yang menggunakan kata "Kong" :

1. Kong Kali Kong :
Artinya banyak Monyet ! Bayangin , Monyet dikalikan dengan Monyet !

2. Kong Res (Kongres) :
Artinya Monyet Ngumpul ! Res singkatan dari Residu, sisa yang terkumpul.

3. Kong Kow :
Artinya, Monyet Gaul ! Kow dari bahasa Mandarin non-formal yang artinya main, bergaul atau ngerumpi.

4. Ngong Kong :
Artinya Monyet Jongkok ! Ngong artinya duduk atau Jongkok dalam bahasa Sanskerta.

5. Kong Guan :
Artinya Biskuit Monyet, atau Biskuit kesukaan Monyet !

6. Kong Lomerat :
Artinya Kumpulan besar Monyet ! Glomerat artinya menggelinding menjadi bola yang besar.

7. Kong Si (Kongsi) :
Artinya Empat Monyet Pengusaha. Si adalah bahasa Mandarin yang artinya.

8. Cu Kong :
Monyet banyak duitnya ! Cu artinya banyak duit menurut bahasa Mandarin kuno yang sudah kadaluarsa.

9 . Eng Kong :
Artinya Mbahnya Monyet !

10. Sing Kong :
Bukan monyet!
Sing (bhs Bali) artinya bukan. Ya jelas aja masa singkong disamain monyet!? Gile loe ye...

11. Bo Kong :
Bagian tubuh belakang monyet di bagian bawah yang kelihatan
bengkak. Bo = aboh (bahasa Jawa) = bengkak.

13. Jerang Kong :
Kerangka monyet ! Jerang = tulang belulang menurut bahasa antah berantah.

14. Bang Kong :
Monyet bangun kesiangan ! Bang = singkatan dari bangun.

Tulisan ini disusun oleh:

Larry King (Kong)

Long Pray

2008-01-14T08:22:00.000+07:00

Slamet masuk ke toko obat dan membeli sebiji kondom.
Dengan riang dia bilang kepada pemilik toko bahwa sebentar lagi dia
akan makan malam dirumah pacarnya. "Bapak kan tahu sendiri, biasanya
setelah itu kan ada kelanjutannya" , tambah slamet sambil
menyeringai. Kondom pun berpindah tangan.

Baru beberapa langkah ke luar toko, dia kembali masuk. "Saya minta
satu lagi", katanya. "Adik pacar saya juga cantik. Agak genit pula.
Saya rasa dia juga naksir saya. Siapa tahu malam ini saya mujur...".
Kondom kedua berpindah tangan.

Slamet kembali masuk dan minta tambahan satu kondom lagi. "Begini,
ibunya juga tak kalah seksi. Penampilannya jauh lebih muda dari
usianya. Dan kalau duduk di depan saya, dia selalu menyilangkan
kaki. Saya yakin dia juga tak keberatan kalau saya dekati...".

Dengan berbekal tiga kondom, Slamet datang ke rumah pacarnya sambil
tak putus bersiul. Sajian sudah siap. Pacar Slamet, adik dan ibunya
sudah menunggu. Slamet pun langsung bergabung.
Mereka menunggu sang ayah.Begitu sang ayah masuk ke ruang makan,
Slamet langsung memimpin doa sambil menunduk dalam-dalam. Yang lain-
lain ikut menundukkan kepala.

Satu menit berlalu. Slamet makin khusuk berdoa. Dua menit. Slamet
terus komat-kamit -- cukup panjang untuk sebuah doa sebelum makan.
Pada menit keempat, pacarnya menyenggol kakinya dan berbisik, "Saya
baru tahu kamu ternyata sangat religius".Sambil terus menunduk,
Slamet menjawab dengan suara hampir menangis: "Saya juga baru tahu
ayah kamu yang punya toko obat...."

Hue hue hue .... kapok loe slamet!

Siiting in the Closet

2007-09-25T15:31:00.000+07:00

Real Meaning of Words

2007-09-18T15:06:00.000+07:00

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE

THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

THE WONDERING BOSS

2007-09-13T14:38:00.000+07:00

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in
sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked,
"Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,"
came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper. "

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME"

IT Consultant

2007-05-11T10:04:00.000+07:00

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers,"that' s correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

"If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd.

"First, you came here without being called.”

“Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew”

“And third, you don't understand anything about my business...”

Now can I have my DOG back?"

How to ask your boss for a salary increase

2007-05-11T09:43:00.000+07:00

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$, worker$, who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

$teven

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if South Africa may go into aNOther recession.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

NOrman

SECRETARY 'S RESUME!!

2007-05-09T12:42:00.000+07:00

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can
Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole
really seam to respond to me belly well.

I�m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru
my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to
pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me
taken at my last jobb.

Employer's reply:......

Dear Peggy,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.....

Welcome onboard !!!

21st century..

2007-05-09T10:10:00.000+07:00

all in less size

Our communication - Wireless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our food - Fatless

Our relation - Loveless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our dress - Topless

Our attitude - Careless

Our politics - Shameless

Our youth - Jobless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our labour - Effortless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very less

so totally USELESS

Letter from Banta Singh to Bill Gates...!!!!

2007-05-01T09:40:00.000+07:00

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,

Banta Singh

What will be your Reaction

2007-04-12T09:09:00.000+07:00

If OnE DaY, the BosS

appeared to YoU and said :

ThiS YeaR, there will be:

no firm trip,

no bonus,

no salary increase

...

TheN

WhaT

Will

YouR

ReactioN???? ?

Dikeluarkan baru digaruk

2007-04-10T15:17:00.000+07:00

Seorang pasien mengalami problem usus buntu. Dokter menyarankan untuk segera dilakukan operasi usus buntu.
Karena takutnya, sang pasien mati-matian membujuk dokter agar tidak membedahnya.

"Sebetulnya saya tidak menderita penyakit yang serius," ungkapnya,
"kecuali usus buntu saya agak terasa gatal."
"Baiklah kalau begitu," jawab dokter,"mari segera kita keluarkan."
"Apakah usus buntu ini harus dikeluarkan hanya karena gatal sedikit, Dok?"
"Tentu saja," balas dokter dengan nada tidak sabar.
"Setelah dikeluarkan barulah kita bisa menggaruknya. "

Bobby Want a Bike

2007-04-10T14:39:00.000+07:00

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

************ **

Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over.

************ **
Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like. A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

************ **
Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

************ **
Letter 4

God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.

************ **
Letter 5

God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

Bobby.

Globalization

2007-04-10T11:33:00.000+07:00

Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer : Princess Diana's death.

Question : How come?

Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an Indian using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Chinese workers in a Singapore plant, transported to you by Bangladeshi rickshaw-driver.

That, my friends, is Globalization

HUMOR ANGGOTA DPR DAN LAPTOP

2007-03-29T10:48:00.000+07:00

Episode 1
Anggota DPR: "Mba, laptopnya salah."
Customer Service: "Salah gimana pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Laptopnya nggak mau hidup."
CS: "Sudah tekan tombol power pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Tombol powernya sebelah mana mba?"

> ****

Episode 2
Anggota DPR: "Mba, saya mau konek ke internet nggak bisa, kenapa ya?"
Customer service: "Nggak bisanya kenapa?"
Anggota DPR: "Saya ketik www.playboy. com, gambarnya nggak keluar."
Customer service: "Pesan errornya apa pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Nggak ada pesan error, pokoknya saya ketik playboy.com
            di addressnya, nggak muncul gambar sama sekali."
Customer service: "Bapak koneksi internetnya pakai apa, dial up, hotspot?"
Anggota DPR: "Pakai gambar yang ada tulisan "e"
            (maksudnya internet explorer)."
Customer service: "Maksud saya, bapak langganan internetnya pakai ISP apa,
                 lalu cara koneksi internetnya pakai dial-up atau hotspot,
                 mungkin settingnya ada yang salah."
Anggota DPR: "ISP itu apa sih mba?"
Customer service: "Wah ini sih 50 x 2 pak.."
Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh mba?"
Customer service: " CAPE ' DEH!!"

> ******

Episode 3
Angt DPR: "Mba' saya ingin daftar account di yahoo.com kok nggak bisa ya?"
CS: "Nggak bisa kenapa pak?"
Angt DPR: "Ada tulisan, paswort is nat long inof, suld bi mor ten 8 karakter"
CS: "Itu maksudnya, password bapak minimal 8 huruf."
Angt DPR: "Oooo...oke deh.., saya coba dulu." 
Angt DPR: "Mba password minimal delapan huruf itu delapannya pakai angka 8
         atau ejaan delapan?"
CS: "Maksudnya?"
Angt DPR: "Saya suda tulis di kolom password minimal 8 huruf,
         tapi bingung mau tulis delapannya, pakai angka delapan
         atau ejaan huruf 'delapan'."
CS: "Ketik ini aja pak..C Spasi D."
Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh?"
Customer service: " CAPE ' DEH !!!"

> ****

Episode 4
Angt DPR: "Mba' kalau muter film di laptop, gimana caranya ya?
CS: " Ada dvd playernya kan pak?"
Angt DPR: "Sebelah mana tuh mba?"
CS: "Disamping kanan, pak. kalau di tekan tombolnya nanti,
   piringan discnya keluar."
Angt DPR: "Ooooo.... yang keluar itu, piringan disc ya?
         Udah patah tuh kemarin."
CS: "Kok bisa patah?"
Angt DPR: "Saya kira tempat buat naruh gelas minuman."

> ******

Episode 5
Angt DPR: "Komputer saya rasanya kena virus"
CS: "Virus apa tuh pak?"
Angt DPR: "Kurang tahu juga, setiap mau cetak ke printer,
         selalu ada tulisan kennot fain printer."
CS: "Itu mungkin salah setting pak."
Angt DPR: "Settingnya udah bener kok, kemarin aja bisa nyetak,
         tapi sekarang nggak bisa. Saya sudah tunjukkin printernya
         di depan laptop, tetap aja dia terus-terusan
         "searchng printer not found."
         Kayanya webcamnya rusak, nggak bisa lihat printer."
CS: "Mendadak laper nih Pak, ingin makan tape.."
Angt DPR: "Lho..kok begitu?"
CS: "TAPE DEH !!!!"

> ********

Episode 6
Angt DPR: "Mba, kalau mau baca blognya si artist anu dimana ya?"
CS: "Bapak cari aja di google."
Angt DPR: "Tapi si artist anu nggak kerja di google kok mba, saya tahu persis."
CS: "Capeeek deeehhh..... ......... .... !!!!"

> ********

Gadis Berenang

2007-03-26T10:04:00.000+07:00

Seorang kakek pensiun lalu membeli tanah luas. Di tanah itu ada kebun dan sebuah kolam amat luas, lengkap dengan meja kursi, ayunan dan permainan lain-lain.

Kolam dibuat sedemikian rupa sehingga berbentuk indah dan cocok untuk berenang. Suatu hari kakek ingin melihat-lihat kolamnya yang sudah lama tidak dikunjungi.

Ia juga membawa ember besar untuk memetik buah-buahan di kebunnya. Tapi ketika tiba dekat di kolam, ia mendengar suara tawa dan jeritan beberapa perempuan.

Begitu dekat, ia melihat beberapa gadis cantik dan seksi sedang berenang tanpa busana di kolamnya.
Lalu kakek mendekat sambil "ehem ehem" supaya kehadirannya diketahui mereka.

Gadis-gadis itu kaget lalu merendam dalam-dalam di air sambil berteriak, "Kami tak berani keluar sebelum kakek pergi".
Jawab si kakek, "Waaah, aku ke sini bukan mau nonton kalian berenang telanjang atau menyuruh kalian keluar dari kolam." "Aku ke sini mau ngasih makan buaya."

Expensive is better

2007-03-23T18:42:00.000+07:00

Adanya beberapa maskapai penerbangan yang mengalami kecelakaan pada
akhir-akhir ini menjadikan perbincangan di salah satu kedai.

Tono: "Naik pesawat sekarang sama saja, naik maskapai penerbangan
murah, kena kecelakaan, eh, naik yang mahal, juga kecelakaan"
Anto: "Tapi ya tetep beda, Kang. Tetap lebih baik naik yang mahal."
Tono: "Memangnya kenapa, Mas?"
Anto: "Kalau naik maskapai murah, mati semua..."
Tono: "Lha kalau naik maskapai yang mahal?"
Anto: "Tidak mati semua, to?"

A Nun asked her class to write notes to God.

2007-03-22T14:28:00.000+07:00

Here are some they handed in:

1.Dear God :
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

**********
2.Dear God:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You keep the ones You already have?

**********
3.Dear God :
Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for me and my brother.

**********
4.Dear God:
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.

**********
5.Dear God :
I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I'm having a hard time loving all of them.

**********
6.Dear God:
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

**********
7.Dear God :
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

**********
8.Dear God:
Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

**********
9.Dear God :
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

**********
10.Dear God:
Who draws the lines around the countries?

**********
11.Dear God :
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?

**********
12.Dear God:
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to get my brother good.

**********
13.Dear God:
Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.

**********
14.Dear God:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

**********
15.Dear God:
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

**********
16.Dear God:
You don't have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

**********
17.Dear God :
I think about You sometimes, even when I'm not praying.

**********
18.Dear God:
Of all the people who worked for You, I like Noah and David the best.

**********
19.Dear God :
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?

**********
20.Dear God:
I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.

**********
21.Dear God :
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.

***********

Malas Sekolah

2007-03-22T10:38:00.000+07:00

"Joko, bangun, nak, sudah siang....", Ibu membangunkan.
Dari dalam kamar yang terkunci, "nggak mau , Bu !", Joko menyahut.
"Kenapa, sudah waktunya kamu berangkat ke sekolah !"
"Aku nggak mau ke sekolah, Bu !"
"Kenapa, Nak ?"
"Anak-anak selalu mengata-ngatai aku !", Joko merengek.
"Guru-guru juga suka menjelek-jelekkanku !"
"Tapi..."
"Pokoknya aku nggak mau ke sekolah !"
"Joko, kamu harus berangkat ! Kamu khan sudah mulai tua !"
"Nggak mau...!"
"Ayo, Joko. Ingat kamu sudah 40 tahun !"
"Lagipula, kamu adalah KEPALA SEKOLAH, Joko !"

Today Jokes

2007-03-21T16:31:00.000+07:00

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------

GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -------

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------

BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---------

SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of
the mouth.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David : "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------

Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Think before you speak...

2007-03-21T10:48:00.000+07:00

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -

the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could

immediately take the words back...

or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back

My husband didn't say a word...

he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes,

I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and

passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case,

the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day,

my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon,

my toddler decided to release

some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of

her after receiving looks of disgust

and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving

"right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a

voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now,

I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped

what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and

walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when

the door closed behind me,

were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch

in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco,

I smelled something funny,

so of course I checked

my seven-month- old daughter, she was clean.

The realized that Danny

had not asked to go potty in a while.

I asked him if he needed to go,

and he said "No".

I kept thinking

"Oh Lord, that child has had an

accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said,

"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time,

"Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up,

yanked down his pants,

bent over,

spread his cheeks

and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better,

thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days

and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,

in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!

We had a female news anchor that,

the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,

turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set,

but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Jealousy

2007-02-28T17:17:00.000+07:00

Ada seorang lakilaki yang telah puas meniduri seorang wanita cantik.
Dia ingin merokok dan dia meminta korek api kepada wanita yang
ditidurinya itu.
Lalu wanita itu berkata bahwa koreknya ada di dalam lemari.
Dan di lemari sang pria menemukan foto pria lain.
Lalu sang pria bertanya
"Ini foto sapa?!!!"
Lalu kata wanita itu,
"Ini fotoku sebelum dioperasi"

Teacher

2007-02-28T16:17:00.000+07:00

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....
===============

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

====================

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. Change it to exclamatory sentence ..
Student : WOW !

All About LIFE

2007-02-28T16:15:00.000+07:00

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

====================

The human brain is most outstanding thing.......

it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born.... until you fall in love

=========================

SMILE - is a language of love
SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....
Brush ur Teeth today onwards

======================

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

All about LOVE

2007-02-28T16:12:00.000+07:00

I wrote ur name on the sand . .
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air......... ......... ........
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart....... ......
I got a HEART ATTACK

=============================

LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But dont worry - we are chain smokers

====================

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best

====================

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow

========================

Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

=========================

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means .pick d phone idiot

Marriages

2007-02-28T16:11:00.001+07:00

Marriages are made in heaven.
Then, what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

Worse things in life

2007-02-28T15:58:00.000+07:00

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home . I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship , don't you agree?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Your loving daughter,
Rosie.

At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO".
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk
centre drawer. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love U

A Boss Wondered

2007-02-28T15:09:00.000+07:00

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered,

"No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked,

"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked,

"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered,

"The search team just landed the hello-copper. "

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,

"What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:

"ME."

Office Humour

2007-02-01T17:33:00.000+07:00

Office Humour:

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increment, no commendation. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager. His manager looked at him, smiled and asked him to sit down saying:

"My friend you have not worked here for even a single day." The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager: How many days are there in a year?

Man: 365 days and sometimes 366.

Manager: How many hours make up a day?

Man: 24 Hours.

Manager: How long do u work in a day?

Man: 10am to 6pm i.e 8 hours a day.

Manager: So, what fraction of the day do u work in hours?

Man: He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 i.e 1/3 (one third).

Manager: This is nice of u! what is 1/3rd of 366 days?

Man: 122(1/3 x 366=122 in days)

Manager: Do u come to work on weekends?

Man: No sir.

Manager: How many days r there in a year that r weekends?

Man: 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days.

Manager: Thanks for that. If u remove 104 days from 122 days. how many days do u now have?

Man: 18 days.

Manager: I do give u 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do u have remaining?

Man: 4 days.

Manager: Do u work on Republic Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on Independence Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: 2 days Sir!

Manager: Do u come to work on New Years Day?

Man: No sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: 1 day sir!

Manager: Do u work on Christmas Day?

Man: No Sir!

Manager: So how many days r left?

Man: None Sir!

Manager: So what r u claiming?

Man: !!!...

Moral-NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR-HIGH RISK.

Apprehensive Story

2007-01-15T17:48:00.000+07:00

Apprehensive Story
Cerita yang sangat menyentuh…..

Bapak yang Baik

Pada suatu hari ada seorang bapak yang kaya raya melewati sebuah kampung yang terpencil, ketika ia sedang mengendarai mobilnya ia melihat seorang ibu-ibu yang sedang memakan rumput, lalu bapak itu pun turun dari mobilnya dan menghampiri ibu itu, lalu ia bertanya...

Bapak: "Bu, kenapa ibu makan rumput?"
Ibu: "Saya sangat miskin pak, sehingga saya tidak sanggup untuk membeli nasi.."
Bapak: "Kalau begitu mari ikut kerumah saya, bu!"
Ibu: "Tapi saya punya anak 7 orang pak.."
Bapak: "Tidak apa-apa, ibu bawa aja semua anak ibu sekalian!"

Lalu si ibu dan anak-anaknya naik kedalam mobil menuju ke rumah bapak itu, dan karena penasaran si ibu bertanya lagi...

Ibu: "Kenapa bapak baik sekali kepada kami?"
Bapak: "Ah nggak apa-apa bu, kebetulan aja rumput di rumah saya sudah panjang-panjang..."

POLITICS

2007-01-08T16:42:00.000+07:00

Renungan Politik

Ada seorang anak SD mendapat tugas dari gurunya, tugasnya adalah menjelaskan apa itu POLITIK ...... ? Karena bingung, dia bertanya kepada ayahnya.

"Pak .. apa itu POLITIK ?"
Mendapat pertanyaan itu ... si ayah juga bingung, bagaimana caranya menjelaskan politik pada anak berumur 8 tahun, .. akhirnya si ayah mendapat ide, dan dia berkata:

"Politik itu diibaratkan sebuah rumah tangga, sebagai contoh, rumah kita."

Melihat anaknya bingung, si ayah mencoba untuk menjelaskannya :
"Ambil contoh begini...,
Ayah sebagai kepala rumah tangga memimpin anggota keluarga ini, dan bekerja mencari nafkah untuk keluarga, maka bisa disebut sebagai Presiden.
Ibu, sebagai ibu rumah tangga, yang tugasnya mengurus rumah dan mengatur anggaran belanja kita, melayani semua kebutuhan kamu, maka disebut sebagai Mentri.
Kamu .... karena semua kebutuhan kamu disediakan oleh ibu yang diibaratkan sebagai menteri, maka kamu disebut sebagai Masyarakat.
Baby-sitter yang menjaga kamu dan adik kamu ... dia bekerja pada kita, maka disebut sebagai Kaum Pekerja.... dan
Adik kamu yang masih bayi itu kita sebut sebagai Masa Depan."

Mendengar penjelasan itu si anak jadi semakin bingung ... dan si ayah bisa memahami hal itu dan berkata :
"Begini saja ... sekarang kamu pergi tidur, kamu pikirkan apa yang ayah jelaskan tadi sebelum tidur..".

Si anakpun mengikuti perkataan ayahnya itu.
Tengah malam, si anak terbangun dari tidurnya karena mendengar adiknya menangis, dia pergi kekamar adiknya, dan menemukan adiknya dengan popok penuh kotoran, kemudian dia pergi kekamar orang tuanya dan menemukan ibunya sedang tidur lelap ...
Karena tidak ingin menggangu ibunya, lalu dia pergi kekamar baby-sitter nya ....

Sebelum si anak mengetuk pintu kamar baby-sitternya itu dia mendengar suara-suara .... lalu dia mengintip ke lubang kunci, ternyata dia melihat ayahnya berada didalam kamar bersama baby-sitternya, sedang menindih si baby-sitter dan si baby-sitter mendesah-desah seperti orang kesakitan, ...
Karena si anak takut ketahuan ayahnya, diam-diam dia kembali kekamarnya dan kembali tidur.

Keesokan harinya ketika sedang sarapan, si ayah bertanya pada anaknya :
"Bagaimana ...,sudah kamu pikirkan apa itu politik ? Sekarang coba kamu jelaskan dengan kalimatmu sendiri ...".
Si anak pun dengan bangganya berkata :

" POLITIK itu adalah suatu keadaan dimana Presiden memeras dan menindas Kaum Pekerja. Mentri tidak tahu, Masyarakat membiarkannya, dan Masa Depan penuh dengan kotoran ".

Ayah: ".................................?????????????????????"

Penyakit Gawat

2007-01-08T16:24:00.000+07:00

Sepasang suami istri hidup berbahagia selama bertahun-tahun.
Suatu hari sang istri sakit keras. Maka sang suami berusaha mencari obat ke seluruh penjuru dunia demi keselamatan sang istri. Sampai pada akhirnya dia menemukan dokter terkemuka yang sudah terbiasa menangani penyakit parah dan susah untuk disembuhkan.
Dan datanglah dokter tersebut ke rumah dengan membawa tas peralatan.

"Demi kenyamanan saya dalam mengobati istri anda, ada baiknya anda tunggu di luar"
Maka sang suami keluar kamar.

Beberapa menit kemudian, dokter membuka kamar dalam keadaan berkeringat.
"Bagaimana dok, apa penyakit istri saya ? "

Sambil membasuh keringat di keningnya, dokter berkata,
"Maaf, saya bisa pinjam tang ?! "
Karena ingin istrinya cepat sembuh, tanpa bertanya lagi dia mengambilkan tang. Dan, tanpa banyak bicarapun sang dokter masuk kamar untuk meneruskan pekerjaannya kembali.

Beberapa menit kemudian, dokter kembali membuka kamar dalam keadaan berkeringat dan baju yang sudah berantakan (tidak rapi lagi).

" Dok ... ada apa dengan istri saya ? " sang suami mulai khawatir.
Lagi-lagi sang dokter tidak menjawab, " Saya perlu palu, anda punya ? "

Karena tidak berani mengganggu kosentrasi kerja dokter, tanpa banyak tanya lagi diambilkannya palu.

Beberapa menit kemudian, dokter membuka kamar lagi dalam keadaan yang lebih parah. Selain berkeringat, bajunya dilepas ....
dan mukanya acak-acakan.

" Dok ...... ??!!! " sang suami sudah tidak sabar.
" Maaf, saya butuh gergaji ....... " pinta dokter sambil terengah-engah.
" Tapi, dok ........ "
" Sudahlah ... saya butuh cepat !! "

Dengan perasaan yang berkecamuk, sang suami mengambilkan gergaji.
Beberapa menit kemudian, dokter membuka pintu dengan nafas yang terputus-putus dan keringat yang bercucuran.

Sang suami sudah tidak sabar, " Dok, tolong ceritakan apa penyakit istri saya dan apa yang sudah dokter lakukan terhadap istri saya ? " gertaknya marah.

Dokter tidak segera menjawab, tapi hanya menggelengkan kepala.
" Dok !!!! " sang suami sudah kehilangan kesabaran.
" Maaf ....... ", jawab dokter. " Saya belum menemukan penyakit istri anda .....
karena sampai sekarang tas peralatan saya belum bisa dibuka.
Karena saya lupa kode yang sudah saya masukkan ........
Ada yang bisa membantu saya untuk membukanya ? "

Sang Suami: " Haahhhh....!!! "

Netherlands' Pilots vs Dayaks

2007-01-08T15:18:00.000+07:00

Pilot Belanda VS Orang Dayak

----------------------------

Pada perang dunia ke dua, tiga pesawat Belanda jatuh di Kalimantan.
Ketiga pilot itupun akhirnya disandera oleh warga setempat yang ternyata adalah orang Dayak.
Kebetulan orang2 dayak tersebut adalah 'head hunter' dan sekaligus kanibal. Mengetahui hal tersebut, ketiga pilot yg takut tersebut memohon agar tidak dibunuh.

Maka kepala suku setempat berkata;
'Kalo kamu semua masih mau hidup, kalian harus pergi ke hutan dan bawa kembali SEPULUH buah yg jenisnya sama. Tapi kalian hanya mendapatkan waktu tiga jam!'

Dengan sangat cepat ketiga pilot itupun akhirnya lari ke hutan untuk mencari buah-buahan. Setelah dua jam pilot pertama pun akhirnya datang membawa sepuluh buah apel.

Kepala Suku; 'Baik kamu telah membawa 10 buah apel. Sekarang masukkan semua apel itu melalui lobang pantat kamu satu persatu. Kalau kamu merintih, atau membuat suara, kamu akan saya potong-potong jadi sate!!

Dengan perlahan-lahan sang pilot mencoba memasukkan apel pertama tanpa merintih. Dengan penuh perjuangan dan ketahanan akhirnya apel pertama bisa dia masukkan. Namun di apel yg ke dua ia tidak bisa menahan sakit dari ng-ngnya, dan seraya merintih.

Dengan kejam sang kepala suku memenggal kepala sg pilot.
Maka naiklah ia ke surga.

Pilot kedua datang membawa 10 buah lengkeng. Dan kepala suku memberikan instruksi yg sama kepada sang pilot.

Dalam hati, 'Yah kalo lengkeng sih gampang!'

Dan memang betul. Satu lengkeng masuk, dua lengkeng, tiga lengkeng........
tapi pada saat ia memasukkan lengkeng yg ke sepuluh sang kepala suku tiba2 memotong kepalanya.

Saat pilot 2 naik ke surga ia bertemu dengan pilot 1.

Pilot 2: Wah kamu mati juga ya?
Pilot 1: Iya aku bawa apel sih. Kan sakit! Sialan itu kepala suku, syaratnya berat banget! Trus kamu bawa buah apa?

Pilot 2: Lengkeng.
Pilot 1: Lengkeng? Itu kan gampang, kecil, gak sakit lagi!

Pilot 2: Emang betul. Semua lengkeng hampir aku masukkan semua ke dalam lobang pantat.
Tapi ya itu, tiba2 aku tertawa dan semua lengkeng yg aku sudah masukkan keluar semua.....

Pilot 1: Bego kamu! Kog ketawa?
Pilot 2: Habis pas mau masukin lengkeng no.10 aku liat Pilot 3 bawa DUREN!

Pilot 1: huanhahahahhahaa

What If Iraq had Won the War

2006-12-21T17:38:00.000+07:00

Mc Hammed's

Liberty

Kentucky Fried Camel

Abdullah W Bush

Otong di kamar cewek

2006-12-19T10:36:00.001+07:00

Pada suatu hari Si Otong datang ke rumah seorang cewek cantik, lalu
terjadilah percakapan dibawah ini:

Si Otong: Alo sayank... gue boleh masuk kan?
Ceweq(ce): Boleh boleh aja
Si Otong: sayank, kita ke kamar yuk!
ce:(berpikir) ehm... yuk

setelah di kamar...

Si Otong: boleh kunci pintu kan?
ce: bolehhhhh
Si Otong: kalo tutup jendela juga boleh kan?
ce: boleh
Si Otong: kita naik ke tempat tidur yuk
ce: (berpikir) yuk
Si Otong: tutup selimutnya ya
ce: (berpikir: akhirnya dia mau melakukannya juga) tutup saja katanya
sambil senyum senyum
Si Otong: eh liat dech JAM GUE BISA NYALA!!!

Gue Udah Tahu Semuanya

2006-12-13T11:08:00.000+07:00

Ita baru masuk SMU, masa-masa pubernya bikin dia centil dan suka ngerjain orang. Kali ini dia dapet kata-kata baru buat ngerjain orang.

Hari pertama, dia nelepon temannya : “Rin, gue udah tau semuanya !”
“Hah..” Suara disana terdengar lemas.
“Ta, elu jangan bilang Indri kalo gue jalan sama cowoknya ya Ta. Gue ada voucher makan di HokBen, elu jangan bilang-bilang yah. Sori gue cuma bisa ngasih itu doang.”
“Okelah, gue sih terima aja, lu kan temen gue.”
Begitu telepon ditutup, Ita langsung teriak girang.
“Wah oke juga nih, gue dapet voucher HokBen !! Coba gue praktekin lagi.”

Kali ini Ita masuk kamar kakaknya dan langsung bicara pelan di dekat kuping kakaknya yang lagi tiduran, “Wa, gue udah tau semuanya. Ternyata gitu ya Wa.”
Dewa langsung bangun, mengambil sebuah kunci dan berbisik pada Ita.
“Ta, lu boleh pake mobil sebulan penuh plus gue kasih bensinnya. Tapi jangan bilang Papi kalo gue nge-gele yah !!!”
“BEres. ”

Ita benar-benar girang, kali ini dia mencegat Papinya yang baru pulang kerja.
“Pah,.” Ita mengejar Papinya yang cuek bebek
“Pah, Ita mau ngomong.”
“Ada apa sih Ta ?!! Papa capek nih.”
“Ita udah tau semuanya Pah…”
Mendadak PApanya celingukan, mengeluarkan HP dan menelepon seseorang “Ta, Credit Card kamu udah Papa aktifkan lagi. Tapi !!! Jangan pernah bilang Mama soal si Ijah.”
Ita girang campur sebel. Ternyata Papanya menduakan Mama cuma demi pembantunya si Ijah
Ita langsung berlari tanpa sepatah katapun

Diluar, Ita bertemu Pak Udi, sopirnya yang sudah belasan tahun bekerja dirumahnya.
Ita mulai usil lagi. Dia kesal juga, pasti dia tau soal si Ijah, tapi bungkam selama ini, gue kerjain juga nih, pikirnya.
“Pak !!!” Ita benar-benar membuat kaget sopirnya “Saya sudah tau semuanya.”
Pak Udi terbengong, dan perlahan meneteskan airmata. Ita malah bingung.
“Ita !!! Peluklah Bapakmu ini Sayang. Akhirnya kau tahu juga Nak !

Wakidjan dan Tukijo Belajar Bahasa Inggris

2006-12-13T10:33:00.000+07:00

Setelah 6 bulan mengikuti les bahasa Inggris, Wakidjan dan Tukijo melancong ke luar negri untuk meningkatkan ketrampilan bahasa Inggrisnya.

Suatu hari mereka menikmati alunan piano di sebuah restoran. Wakidjan begitu terpesonanya dengan permainan piano Nadine.

Sambil bertepuk tangan, ia berteriak, “Not a play! Not a play!”
Nadine bengong. “Not a play?”
“Yes. Not a play. Bukan main.”, kata Wakidjan.

Tukidjo yang menemani Wakidjan terperangah. “Bukan main itu bukan not a play, Djan!”
“Your granny (Mbahmu). Humanly I have check my dictionary kok.(Orang saya sudah periksa di kamus kok)” sahut Wakidjan mantap.

Lalu Wakidjan berpaling ke Nadine. “Lady, let’s corner (Mojok yuk).
But don’t think that are nots (Jangan berpikir yang bukan-bukan). I just want a meal together.”

“Ngaco kamu, Djan,” Tukidjo tambah gemes.

“Don’t be surplus (Jangan berlebihan), Djo. Be wrong a little is OK toch.?”

Nadine cuman senyum kecil. “I would love to, but .”
“Sorry if my friend make you not delicious (Maaf kalau teman saya bikin kamu jadi nggak enak)” sambut Wakidjan ramah.

“Different river,maybe (Lain kali barangkali). I will not be various kok (Saya nggak akan macam-macam kok).” tambah Wakidjan

Setelah Nadine pergi, Wakidjan menatap Tukidjo dengan sebal. “Disturbing aja sih, Djo. Does the language belong to your ancestor (Emang itu bahasa punya moyang lu)?”
"Why are you scratch scratch head? (Kenapa kamu garuk-garuk kepala?)" Wakidjan ngedumel melihat Tukidjo hanya garuk-garuk kepala.

Tukidjo menjawab, “Just itchy Djan, because you speak English as delicious as your belly button.” (Gatel aja, Djan, soalnya kamu ngomong Inggris seenak udelmu dewe).

Wakidjan cuman bisa merutuk dalam hati, “His name is also effort.” (Namanya juga usaha)

BEGO & CAKEP

2006-12-13T10:17:00.000+07:00

Seorang suami suatu hari ngomong kepada istrinya;

“Aku nggak ngerti kenapa kamu bisa bego begitu tapi tetep aja cakep?!”

Istrinya jawab;
“Itu semua anugrah Tuhan buat kamu. Tuhan bikin aku cakep biar kamu suka aku, tapi Aku juga dibikin bego biar Aku suka kamu”

SUAMI IDAMAN

2006-12-12T17:39:00.000+07:00

Sekumpulan pria berada di ruang ganti di salah satu tempat gym terkemuka dan eksklusif di pusat kota . Tiba2 terdengar deringan hp di penjuru ruangan itu. Salah satu dari pria itu menjawab panggilan tersebut dan terjadilah obrolan berikut:

"Hallo?"
"Abang, ini ayang."
"Eemmmmm.... "
"Abang masih di tempat gym ya?"
"iya..."
"Ayang sekarang lagi ada di shopping complex dekat tempat gym abang. Ayang liat Louis Vuitton punya koleksi tas baru. Harganya murah kok, Cuma Rp. 7.000.000 aja... Boleh beli nggak, Bang?"
"O.K, belilah kalau kamu sudah sangat menyukainya. "
"Ahhhhh....thanks abang,dan tadi sebelon ayang datang kesini,ayang ada singgah ke pameran mobil dan ngeliat mobil Mercedes terbaru. Ayang suka banget dengan modelnya, dan ayang juga sudah ngobrol dengan penjualnya dan dia setuju mau kasi 'good price'. Lagian kan bagus juga kalo mobil BMW yg kita beli thn lalu itu ditukar dengan yg baru."
"Berapa harga yang dia kasih?"
"Lagi harga promo, jadi Cuma Rp. 550 juta aja, bang..."
"O.K pastikan harga itu sudah 'on the road'."
"Great, ada 1 lagi, bang."
"Apa?"
"Tadi pagi ayang iseng-iseng singgah ke agent real estate dan ternyata rumah yg kita liat kemarin2 itu ternyata dijual..!!! Abang ingat ga?? Rumah seluas 1000 meter di Kebayoran Baru yang ada kolam renang berbentuk love, trus ada taman orchidnya dibelakang rumah yang berhadapan lapangan tennis itu, dan yang garasinya muat 4 mobil itu....Cantik kan bang?"
"Berapa harga yang mereka minta?"
"Cuma Rp 10 milyar saja. ok kan harganya,dan ayang liat kalo tabungan abang cukup buat beli itu."
"Baguslah kalau begitu. Kalo kamu bisa tawar jadi Rp 8,5 milyar silakan aja..."
"OK abang sayang,terima kasih bang. kita jumpa nanti malam ya?? I luv u."
"bye...i luv u too."

Pria itu berhenti ngomong dan menutup flip hp nya.sambil mengangkat tangan dan memegang hp itu,dia bertanya pada orang2 yang di ruangan tersebut dan dengan suara keras dia bilang gini :
" ADA YANG TAU NGGAK, HANDPHONE INI SIAPA YANG PUNYA???"

Pembantu Mudik

2006-12-11T15:34:00.000+07:00

Smart Way to Sell Beverages

2006-12-11T15:04:00.000+07:00

Ah Beng

2006-12-07T18:04:00.000+07:00

Ah Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring, lah - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear, lah"

"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But ... what happened to the other ear?"

Ah Beng answered:
"That stupid dumbo called back, lah!!!!"

KOBOY

2006-12-07T17:56:00.000+07:00

Seorang koboy pulang dari sebuah kota dengan menunggang kudanya melewati gurun yang naik turun, disebuah belokan si koboy kagek oleh seekor ular yang menghalangi jalannya, lalu si koboy turun dengan pisau ditangannya.

Ketika ketangkap ularnya mau ditusukan pisaunya itu si ular berkata: "jangan bunuh saya, saya adalah seorang peri".

Si koboy kaget, dan masih ragu, lalu bertanya, "jika kamu peri apa yang saya minta bisa dikabulkan dong?".

Si ular : "jika kamu tidak percaya lepaskan dulu saya, lalu apa permintaan kamu wahai koboy?".

Lalu si koboy melepaskan si ular itu, lalu dia berkata. "saya mempunyai 3 (tiga) permintaan, yaitu
ke 1 (satu), saya kepengen wajah saya cakep kaya Mel Gibson,
yang ke 2 (dua) badan saya pengen kekar kaya Arnold,
yang ke3 (tiga) anu saya pengen besar kaya kuda yang saya tunggangi itu". sambil menunjukkan jari ke kudanya.

Si ular berkata dengan tenang : "gampang soal begitu mah, besok kamu boleh lihat dicermin apa yang terjadi, sudah ya, saya pergi". kata si ular sambil pergi masuk semak-semak dan menghilang.

Lalu si koboy itu naik kudanya meneruskan perjalanan menuju rumahnya memang hari sudah rada gelap, sesampai di rumah si koboy berdiri di depan cermin & berkata "besok kalau tidak ada perubahan awas!, gue sembelih lu!". Sambil berjalan dia naik ranjangnya dan ketiduran.
Keesokan harinya si koboy bangun pagi-pagi dan langsung menuju cermin, dan apa yang terjadi, si koboy kaget campur seneng, dilihatnya wajahnya mirip si Mel Gibson dengan senyum bangga, lalu dia membuka baju melihat badannya sudah berubah dengan otot yang menonjol dia memperagakannya gaya-gaya binaragawan, lalu dia buka celananya, dia kaget sekali, dan berteriak :

"tidak-tidak. tidak mungkin, TIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA K!!!!!!!" .

Ternyata dia lupa, dan baru ingat bahwa kuda yang ditunggangi semalam itu kuda betinanya.

Short Chat...

2006-12-07T17:50:00.000+07:00

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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress

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A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back,"SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"

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Husband asks, "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
While his wife thinking the Husband said, "Without Information Fighting Every time"
Wife replies,"No, It means, With Idiot For Ever!!!"

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Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his Friend & kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends"

Stress, Tension, and Panic

2006-12-07T17:46:00.001+07:00

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What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,

and Panic is when both are pregnant.

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Customer Complain...

2006-12-07T17:44:00.000+07:00

A women asks man who is traveling with six children,

"Are all these kids yours??"

The man replies, " No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

"I just love hearing it..."

2006-12-07T17:34:00.000+07:00

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts,

"I'VE ALREADYTOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

He replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."

Siapa si Bedebah itu Hah...?!

2006-12-07T17:15:00.000+07:00

Sang ayah dan ibu sangat murka ketika mengetahui anak perempuan mereka hamil.

"Siapa si bedebah itu," jerit sang ayah, sedang si ibu menangis.

"Suruh dia datang kesini!"

Si anak pun menelepon pria yang menghamilinya.

Setengah jam kemudian sebuah mobil Ferrari merah berhenti di depan rumah.

Seorang lelaki separuh baya keluar dari mobil, memberi salam lalu masuk kerumah.

Lelaki itu berhadapan dengan ibu dan ayah perempuan yang telah dihamilinya.

Dia berkata, "Saya lelaki yang telah menghamili anak anda. Tapi terus terang saya katakan saya tidak dapat menikahi anak anda karena isteri saya tak mengizinkan.

Namun bagaimanapun, saya akan bertanggung jawab. Sekiranya anak anda melahirkan seorang bayi perempuan saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah supermarket, sebuah hotel dan uang tunai 5 milyar rupiah.
Sekiranya dia melahirkan anak lelaki saya akan wasiatkan untuknya dua buah kilang, dua buah supermarket, dua buah hotel dan uang tunai 10 milyar rupiah.

Tapi sekiranya anak anda keguguran apakah yang harus saya lakukan...?"

Sang ayah berfikir. Si ibu berhenti menangis.
Akhirnya sambil menepuk bahu lelaki itu, sang ayah berkata.....,

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"Kalau keguguran, kamu coba lagi ya !! "

Orang Arab Beli Kondom

2006-12-07T17:06:00.000+07:00

Ada seorang Arab horny yang pingin beli kondom di-Jakarta.

Arab : “Ane, minta yang uhuran 38″
Penjual : “Ma’af tuan, paling besar juga cuman ukuran 34 tuan”

Orang arab itu kesal, marah2 nyumfah2, lalu pergi ke-Singafore.

Arab : “Ane, minta yang uhuran 38″
Penjual : “Ma’af mister, maksimal yang kita punya ukurannya 35″

Tambah kesal, Orang arab itu pergi ke-Eropa.
Arab : “Ane, minta yang uhuran 38″
Penjual : “Sorry Sir, paling top ukuran eropa ya … 36 deh”
“ Kenapa You gak cari itu barang di-kampung you aja di-Arab sono sih ?”

Nekat, akhirnya fergi juga deh si-Arab ke-kamfung halaman-nya sendiri di-Arab.
Dengan Sombongnya, karena nggak ada kondom yang sesuai dengan “baju kebesaran” nya, Orang arab itu mendatangi salah satu counter kondom.

Arab : “Ane, minta yang uhuran 38 !!!!!”
Penjual Arab : “Ma’af tuan, Untuk UHURAN anak kecil counternya di-sebelah sana” sembar nunjukin ke-toko sebelah.

Arab : “Haaah ??”

MULAI HARI INI, FREN TELPON GRATIS KE SEMUA OPERATOR

2006-12-07T17:01:00.000+07:00

FREN... TELPON GRATIS KE SEMUA OPERATOR

KABAR TERBARU !!!
MULAI HARI INI, FREN TELPON GRATIS KE SEMUA OPERATOR

DENGAN MENGGUNAKAN CARA TERTENTU (PASSWORD ) MAKA ANDA BISA TELPON GRATIS !!!

MAU TAU CARANYA ...????, SIMAK BAIK-BAIK DAN LAKUKAN CARA DI BAWAH INI DENGAN BENAR :

1. MINIMAL ADA 2 ORANG (ANDA DAN 1 TEMAN) DAN KEDUA NYA SAMA-2 MEMPUNYAI HP

2. PASTIKAN HP TEMAN ANDA DALAM KEADAAN ON (AKTIF)

3. TENTUKAN TERLEBIH DULU NOMOR TELPON YANG AKAN ANDA TELPON

4. KETIKA ANDA AKAN TELPON, HARUS MENGGUNAKAN PASSWORD , YAITU :

" FREN..FREN... PINJAM TELPONNYA DONG..FREN. "

UCAPKAN PASSWORD INI BERULANG KALI SAMPAI TEMAN ANDA MAU MEMINJAMKAN HP NYA

DIJAMIN.. DENGAN FREN... ANDA BISA TELPON GRATIS KE SEMUA OPERATOR