Siiting in the Closet

Real Meaning of Words

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile.

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!


DORMITORY:

When you rearrange the letters:

DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:

When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER



ASTRONOMER:

When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:

A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THEY SEE



THE MORSE CODE:

When you rearrange the letters:

HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:

When you rearrange the letters:

CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:

When you rearrange the letters:

IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:

When you rearrange the letters:

LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:

When you rearrange the letters:

ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S


A DECIMAL POINT:

When you rearrange the letters:

IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:

When you rearrange the letters:

THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:

When you rearrange the letters:

TWELVE PLUS ONE



AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

THE WONDERING BOSS

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in
sick one day.

Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the
employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.

"Hello?"

"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

May I talk with him?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
"Is your Mummy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss
asked,
"Is anybody else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
asked,
"May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy", whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to Mummy and Daddy and the Fireman,"
came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked,
"What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper. "

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
"What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
"ME"

IT Consultant

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd: If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?" The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies: "Okay."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the Ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer.

He turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep here."

The shepherd cheers,"that' s correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche.

The shepherd looks at him and asks:

"If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not".

The shepherd says, "You are an IT consultant ".

How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd.

"First, you came here without being called.”

“Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew”

“And third, you don't understand anything about my business...”

Now can I have my DOG back?"

How to ask your boss for a salary increase

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$, worker$, who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.


I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.


Your$ $incerely,

$teven

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.



NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if South Africa may go into aNOther recession.



I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.



Yours truly,
Manager

NOrman

SECRETARY 'S RESUME!!

Deer Sir,

I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can
Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole
really seam to respond to me belly well.

I�m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru
my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to
pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser. .

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.
Sinseerly,
Peggy May Starlings

PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me
taken at my last jobb.

Employer's reply:......



Dear Peggy,

It's OK honey, we've got spell check.....

Welcome onboard !!!

21st century..

all in less size

Our communication - Wireless

Our telephone - Cordless

Our cooking - Fireless

Our food - Fatless

Our relation - Loveless

Our feelings - Heartless

Our conduct - Worthless

Our dress - Topless

Our attitude - Careless

Our politics - Shameless

Our youth - Jobless

Our education - Valueless

Our follies - Countless

Our arguments - Baseless

Our boss - Brainless

Our labour - Effortless

Our Job - Thankless

Our Salary - Very less

so totally USELESS

Letter from Banta Singh to Bill Gates...!!!!

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard.
Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down ' button.

3. There is a button 'start' but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friend clicked 'run ' has ran upto Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to "sit", so that we can click that by sitting.

5. One doubt is that any 're-scooter' available in system? As I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

6. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot for tracing the key with this ' find', but unable to trace. Is it a bug??

7. Every night I am not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, So I suggest u to provide one DOG to kill that cat.

8. Please confirm when u are going to give me money for winning 'HEARTS' (playing cards in games) and when are u coming to my home to collect ur money.

9. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when u will provide that?

Best regards,

Banta Singh

What will be your Reaction

If OnE DaY, the BosS

appeared to YoU and said :

ThiS YeaR, there will be:

no firm trip,

no bonus,

no salary increase

...

TheN

WhaT

Will

Be

YouR

ReactioN???? ?

Dikeluarkan baru digaruk

Seorang pasien mengalami problem usus buntu. Dokter menyarankan untuk segera dilakukan operasi usus buntu.
Karena takutnya, sang pasien mati-matian membujuk dokter agar tidak membedahnya.

"Sebetulnya saya tidak menderita penyakit yang serius," ungkapnya,
"kecuali usus buntu saya agak terasa gatal."
"Baiklah kalau begitu," jawab dokter,"mari segera kita keluarkan."
"Apakah usus buntu ini harus dikeluarkan hanya karena gatal sedikit, Dok?"
"Tentu saja," balas dokter dengan nada tidak sabar.
"Setelah dikeluarkan barulah kita bisa menggaruknya. "

Bobby Want a Bike

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.

His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.

Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.

Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.

Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.

Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday.

Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

************ **

Letter 1

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, So he tore up the letter and started over.


************ **
Letter 2

Dear God,

This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like. A red bike for my birthday. Thank you.

Your friend,

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.


************ **
Letter 3

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.

************ **
Letter 4


God,

I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday.
Please! Thank you,

Bobby

************ **
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.

Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church.

Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
Just be home in time for dinner, Bobby's mother told him.

Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner.
Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there.

Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary.
He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room.

He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.
Bobby began to write his letter to God.


************ **
Letter 5


God,

I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!

Bobby.

Globalization

Question : What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer : Princess Diana's death.

Question : How come?

Answer : An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.

This is sent to you by an Indian using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Chinese workers in a Singapore plant, transported to you by Bangladeshi rickshaw-driver.

That, my friends, is Globalization

HUMOR ANGGOTA DPR DAN LAPTOP

Episode 1
Anggota DPR: "Mba, laptopnya salah."
Customer Service: "Salah gimana pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Laptopnya nggak mau hidup."
CS: "Sudah tekan tombol power pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Tombol powernya sebelah mana mba?"

> ****

Episode 2
Anggota DPR: "Mba, saya mau konek ke internet nggak bisa, kenapa ya?"
Customer service: "Nggak bisanya kenapa?"
Anggota DPR: "Saya ketik www.playboy. com, gambarnya nggak keluar."
Customer service: "Pesan errornya apa pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Nggak ada pesan error, pokoknya saya ketik playboy.com
            di addressnya, nggak muncul gambar sama sekali."
Customer service: "Bapak koneksi internetnya pakai apa, dial up, hotspot?"
Anggota DPR: "Pakai gambar yang ada tulisan "e"
            (maksudnya internet explorer)."
Customer service: "Maksud saya, bapak langganan internetnya pakai ISP apa,
                 lalu cara koneksi internetnya pakai dial-up atau hotspot,
                 mungkin settingnya ada yang salah."
Anggota DPR: "ISP itu apa sih mba?"
Customer service: "Wah ini sih 50 x 2 pak.."
Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh mba?"
Customer service: " CAPE ' DEH!!"

> ******

Episode 3
Angt DPR: "Mba' saya ingin daftar account di yahoo.com kok nggak bisa ya?"
CS: "Nggak bisa kenapa pak?"
Angt DPR: "Ada tulisan, paswort is nat long inof, suld bi mor ten 8 karakter"
CS: "Itu maksudnya, password bapak minimal 8 huruf."
Angt DPR: "Oooo...oke deh.., saya coba dulu." 
Angt DPR: "Mba password minimal delapan huruf itu delapannya pakai angka 8
         atau ejaan delapan?"
CS: "Maksudnya?"
Angt DPR: "Saya suda tulis di kolom password minimal 8 huruf,
         tapi bingung mau tulis delapannya, pakai angka delapan
         atau ejaan huruf 'delapan'."
CS: "Ketik ini aja pak..C Spasi D."
Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh?"
Customer service: " CAPE ' DEH !!!"

> ****

Episode 4
Angt DPR: "Mba' kalau muter film di laptop, gimana caranya ya?
CS: " Ada dvd playernya kan pak?"
Angt DPR: "Sebelah mana tuh mba?"
CS: "Disamping kanan, pak. kalau di tekan tombolnya nanti,
   piringan discnya keluar."
Angt DPR: "Ooooo.... yang keluar itu, piringan disc ya?
         Udah patah tuh kemarin."
CS: "Kok bisa patah?"
Angt DPR: "Saya kira tempat buat naruh gelas minuman."

> ******

Episode 5
Angt DPR: "Komputer saya rasanya kena virus"
CS: "Virus apa tuh pak?"
Angt DPR: "Kurang tahu juga, setiap mau cetak ke printer,
         selalu ada tulisan kennot fain printer."
CS: "Itu mungkin salah setting pak."
Angt DPR: "Settingnya udah bener kok, kemarin aja bisa nyetak,
         tapi sekarang nggak bisa. Saya sudah tunjukkin printernya
         di depan laptop, tetap aja dia terus-terusan
         "searchng printer not found."
         Kayanya webcamnya rusak, nggak bisa lihat printer."
CS: "Mendadak laper nih Pak, ingin makan tape.."
Angt DPR: "Lho..kok begitu?"
CS: "TAPE DEH !!!!"

> ********

Episode 6
Angt DPR: "Mba, kalau mau baca blognya si artist anu dimana ya?"
CS: "Bapak cari aja di google."
Angt DPR: "Tapi si artist anu nggak kerja di google kok mba, saya tahu persis."
CS: "Capeeek deeehhh..... ......... .... !!!!"

> ********