HUMOR ANGGOTA DPR DAN LAPTOP

Episode 1
Anggota DPR: "Mba, laptopnya salah."
Customer Service: "Salah gimana pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Laptopnya nggak mau hidup."
CS: "Sudah tekan tombol power pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Tombol powernya sebelah mana mba?"

> ****

Episode 2
Anggota DPR: "Mba, saya mau konek ke internet nggak bisa, kenapa ya?"
Customer service: "Nggak bisanya kenapa?"
Anggota DPR: "Saya ketik www.playboy. com, gambarnya nggak keluar."
Customer service: "Pesan errornya apa pak?"
Anggota DPR: "Nggak ada pesan error, pokoknya saya ketik playboy.com
            di addressnya, nggak muncul gambar sama sekali."
Customer service: "Bapak koneksi internetnya pakai apa, dial up, hotspot?"
Anggota DPR: "Pakai gambar yang ada tulisan "e"
            (maksudnya internet explorer)."
Customer service: "Maksud saya, bapak langganan internetnya pakai ISP apa,
                 lalu cara koneksi internetnya pakai dial-up atau hotspot,
                 mungkin settingnya ada yang salah."
Anggota DPR: "ISP itu apa sih mba?"
Customer service: "Wah ini sih 50 x 2 pak.."
Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh mba?"
Customer service: " CAPE ' DEH!!"

> ******

Episode 3
Angt DPR: "Mba' saya ingin daftar account di yahoo.com kok nggak bisa ya?"
CS: "Nggak bisa kenapa pak?"
Angt DPR: "Ada tulisan, paswort is nat long inof, suld bi mor ten 8 karakter"
CS: "Itu maksudnya, password bapak minimal 8 huruf."
Angt DPR: "Oooo...oke deh.., saya coba dulu." 
Angt DPR: "Mba password minimal delapan huruf itu delapannya pakai angka 8
         atau ejaan delapan?"
CS: "Maksudnya?"
Angt DPR: "Saya suda tulis di kolom password minimal 8 huruf,
         tapi bingung mau tulis delapannya, pakai angka delapan
         atau ejaan huruf 'delapan'."
CS: "Ketik ini aja pak..C Spasi D."
Anggota DPR: "Apa tuh?"
Customer service: " CAPE ' DEH !!!"

> ****

Episode 4
Angt DPR: "Mba' kalau muter film di laptop, gimana caranya ya?
CS: " Ada dvd playernya kan pak?"
Angt DPR: "Sebelah mana tuh mba?"
CS: "Disamping kanan, pak. kalau di tekan tombolnya nanti,
   piringan discnya keluar."
Angt DPR: "Ooooo.... yang keluar itu, piringan disc ya?
         Udah patah tuh kemarin."
CS: "Kok bisa patah?"
Angt DPR: "Saya kira tempat buat naruh gelas minuman."

> ******

Episode 5
Angt DPR: "Komputer saya rasanya kena virus"
CS: "Virus apa tuh pak?"
Angt DPR: "Kurang tahu juga, setiap mau cetak ke printer,
         selalu ada tulisan kennot fain printer."
CS: "Itu mungkin salah setting pak."
Angt DPR: "Settingnya udah bener kok, kemarin aja bisa nyetak,
         tapi sekarang nggak bisa. Saya sudah tunjukkin printernya
         di depan laptop, tetap aja dia terus-terusan
         "searchng printer not found."
         Kayanya webcamnya rusak, nggak bisa lihat printer."
CS: "Mendadak laper nih Pak, ingin makan tape.."
Angt DPR: "Lho..kok begitu?"
CS: "TAPE DEH !!!!"

> ********

Episode 6
Angt DPR: "Mba, kalau mau baca blognya si artist anu dimana ya?"
CS: "Bapak cari aja di google."
Angt DPR: "Tapi si artist anu nggak kerja di google kok mba, saya tahu persis."
CS: "Capeeek deeehhh..... ......... .... !!!!"

> ********

Gadis Berenang

Seorang kakek pensiun lalu membeli tanah luas. Di tanah itu ada kebun dan sebuah kolam amat luas, lengkap dengan meja kursi, ayunan dan permainan lain-lain.

Kolam dibuat sedemikian rupa sehingga berbentuk indah dan cocok untuk berenang. Suatu hari kakek ingin melihat-lihat kolamnya yang sudah lama tidak dikunjungi.

Ia juga membawa ember besar untuk memetik buah-buahan di kebunnya. Tapi ketika tiba dekat di kolam, ia mendengar suara tawa dan jeritan beberapa perempuan.

Begitu dekat, ia melihat beberapa gadis cantik dan seksi sedang berenang tanpa busana di kolamnya.
Lalu kakek mendekat sambil "ehem ehem" supaya kehadirannya diketahui mereka.

Gadis-gadis itu kaget lalu merendam dalam-dalam di air sambil berteriak, "Kami tak berani keluar sebelum kakek pergi".
Jawab si kakek, "Waaah, aku ke sini bukan mau nonton kalian berenang telanjang atau menyuruh kalian keluar dari kolam." "Aku ke sini mau ngasih makan buaya."

Expensive is better

Adanya beberapa maskapai penerbangan yang mengalami kecelakaan pada
akhir-akhir ini menjadikan perbincangan di salah satu kedai.

Tono: "Naik pesawat sekarang sama saja, naik maskapai penerbangan
murah, kena kecelakaan, eh, naik yang mahal, juga kecelakaan"
Anto: "Tapi ya tetep beda, Kang. Tetap lebih baik naik yang mahal."
Tono: "Memangnya kenapa, Mas?"
Anto: "Kalau naik maskapai murah, mati semua..."
Tono: "Lha kalau naik maskapai yang mahal?"
Anto: "Tidak mati semua, to?"

A Nun asked her class to write notes to God.

Here are some they handed in:

1.Dear God :
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset You made on Tuesday. That was cool.

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2.Dear God:
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You keep the ones You already have?

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3.Dear God :
Maybe Cain and Abel would not have killed each other if they had their own rooms. That's what my Mom did for me and my brother.

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4.Dear God:
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.

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5.Dear God :
I bet it is very hard to love everyone in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I'm having a hard time loving all of them.

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6.Dear God:
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?

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7.Dear God :
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick?

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8.Dear God:
Is it true my father won't get into heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?

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9.Dear God :
Did You mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?

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10.Dear God:
Who draws the lines around the countries?

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11.Dear God :
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in the church. Is that OK?

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12.Dear God:
Did You really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if You did, then I'm going to get my brother good.

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13.Dear God:
Thank You for the baby brother, but I think you got confused because what I prayed for was a puppy.

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14.Dear God:
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up.

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15.Dear God:
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over.

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16.Dear God:
You don't have to worry about me; I always look both ways.

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17.Dear God :
I think about You sometimes, even when I'm not praying.

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18.Dear God:
Of all the people who worked for You, I like Noah and David the best.

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19.Dear God :
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?

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20.Dear God:
I would like to live 900 years just like the guy in the Bible.

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21.Dear God :
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So, I bet he stole Your idea.

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Malas Sekolah

"Joko, bangun, nak, sudah siang....", Ibu membangunkan.
Dari dalam kamar yang terkunci, "nggak mau , Bu !", Joko menyahut.
"Kenapa, sudah waktunya kamu berangkat ke sekolah !"
"Aku nggak mau ke sekolah, Bu !"
"Kenapa, Nak ?"
"Anak-anak selalu mengata-ngatai aku !", Joko merengek.
"Guru-guru juga suka menjelek-jelekkanku !"
"Tapi..."
"Pokoknya aku nggak mau ke sekolah !"
"Joko, kamu harus berangkat ! Kamu khan sudah mulai tua !"
"Nggak mau...!"
"Ayo, Joko. Ingat kamu sudah 40 tahun !"
"Lagipula, kamu adalah KEPALA SEKOLAH, Joko !"

Today Jokes

GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple

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GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??

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BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??

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BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??

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SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

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WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of
the mouth.

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Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".

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Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---

Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
David : "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".

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Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"

Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".

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Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"

Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died".

Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -

the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could

immediately take the words back...

or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow

and asked loudly,

"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"

I turned around and walked back out and never went back

My husband didn't say a word...

he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes,

I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen

who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said,

"I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and

passed by a store that sold a

variety of candy and nuts.

As we were looking at the display case,

the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.

I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.

The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day,

my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon,

my toddler decided to release

some pent-up energy and ran amok.

I was finally able to grab hold of

her after receiving looks of disgust

and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving

"right now" she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a

voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now,

I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped

what they were doing.

I mustered up the last of my dignity and

walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.

The last thing I heard when

the door closed behind me,

were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training

and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch

in between errands.

It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco,

I smelled something funny,

so of course I checked

my seven-month- old daughter, she was clean.

The realized that Danny

had not asked to go potty in a while.

I asked him if he needed to go,

and he said "No".

I kept thinking

"Oh Lord, that child has had an

accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said,

"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,

because the smell was getting worse.

Soooooo, I asked one more time,

"Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up,

yanked down his pants,

bent over,

spread his cheeks

and yelled

"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,

he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.

An old couple made me feel better,

thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days

and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,

in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!

We had a female news anchor that,

the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,

turned to the weatherman and asked:

"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set,

but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!