Bin Laden's letter

After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama bin Laden is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own hand writing to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, and then to MI6.

Eventually they asked the Mossad (Israeli intelligence) for help.
Within a minute the Mossad emailed the White House with this reply:

'Tell the President he's holding the note upside down'.
Warmest regards,

The American Dream

An American businessman was standing at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish.

"How long it took you to catch them?" The American asked.
"Only a little while." The Mexican replied.

"Why don't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The American then asked.
"I have enough to support my family's immediate needs." The Mexican said.

"But," The American then asked, "What do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, I have a full and busy life, senor."

The American scoffed,

"I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds you buy a bigger boat, and with the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats."

"Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the consumers, eventually opening your own can factory. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?"
To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, senor?"
The American laughed and said,
"That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO (Initial Public Offering) and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, senor? Then what?"

The American said slowly,
"Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos..."

Hasta La Vista.

MOSES

Recently, while allegedly going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and asked, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice.
The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the president.

The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you?
The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.

"Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!"
Again the president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.

The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses. But the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering in the desert, and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil."

Mr. Bean

1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!



2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!



3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!



4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!

5) Marriage:
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.


6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you take anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7) DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.


9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful.. ..is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!

Nine Words Women Use...

1.)

Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2.)

Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.)

Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

4.)

Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.)

Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.)

That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom a n
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.)

Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.)

Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.)

Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!

Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can
avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh,

cause they know it's true.

Whats the matter Honey?

A wife awoke early one morning to the sounds of her husband angrily banging around pots and pans in the kitchens.

When she goes downstairs, she sees that he is looking for something to eat but, more importantly, is very upset about something.

"What's the problem, darling? Didn't your program work?"

"It worked. I wrote that code until the wee hours of the morning, and it worked!"

"Then what's the matter? Were there a lot of bugs in it?"

"I took special pains to eliminate the bugs. It worked, and it worked perfectly!"

"So what's wrong?"

"I was so tired when I finished, I decided to take a little nap, just for a few minutes."

"Did you not sleep well? Did you have a nightmare?" the concerned wife inquired.

"No, I slept perfectly well ... with my head on the backspace key."

The Future Looks Good

Just Click the Board

Amerindia

A gorilla job !

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo.

As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla,

had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and

pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts,

But Hey!

He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage.

The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up.

This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show,

jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around.

During one acrobatic attempt, though,

he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting,

landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars.

He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!"

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses,

"Shut up or we'll BOTH lose our jobs !"

*******

Track Your Friends Using a Satellite Map

Mobile Phone GPS tracking is a real technology which can be used for security of cars and trucks,
safety of kids and for business solutions.
But in this case...

Try out this mobile phone tracker, it's great!
Track any connected mobile phone using a satellite map with coverage anywhere in the world!!!!
Log on to
http://www.sat-gps-locate.com



---

True Story, Calls from Death Girl

This is a true story from a University at Jakarta regarding a young girl that just passed away last month. Her name is Samara. She died by traffic accident.
Samara has a boy friend name Ari, and they both love each other. They always call each other by their cell phone. You would never found Samara without her cell phone. Smara spent almost a half day to chat with Ari by her cellphone. Samara's family knew it. And Ari has a good relationship with Samara's parents. Imagine how close their relationship.

Before died, Samara told her friends and family, if sometime she die she ask to graved with her cell phone.

Capek cerita bhs Inggris...
Diulang aja pake bahasa Indonesia...

Kisah dari sebuah Universitas di Jakarta tentang seorang gadis muda yang baru meninggal bulan lalu. Namanya Samara. Dia meninggal karena tertabrak truk. Samara punya seorang pacar namanya Ari. Kedua nya saling menyayangi. Mereka selalu berteleponan. Kamu tidak akan pernah melihat Samara tanpa handphone-nya. Samara menghabiskan hampir setengah hari untuk mengobrol dengan Ari. Keluarga Samara pun tahu hubungan mereka. Ari sangat dekat dengan keluarga Samara, bayangkan betapa dalamnya hubungan mereka..

Sebelum dia meninggal dia selalu berkata pada teman2 nya " Kalo gua meninggal tolong kuburkan gua sama handphone gua ". Dan dia juga mengatakan hal yang sama kepada orangtuanya.

Ketika Samara meninggal, ada kejadian aneh, tidak ada seorangpun yang dapat mengangkat peti matinya. Saya juga berada disana. Banyak orang termasuk saya yang mencoba tapi tetap tidak bisa. Akhirnya mereka memanggil "orang pintar". Dia memegang sebatang kayu dan mulai berbicara sendiri perlahan.

Setelah beberapa menit orang pintar itu berkata "gadis ini kehilangan sesuatu disini". Lalu teman2 Samara berkata kepada orang pintar itu tentang keinginannya untuk dikubur dengan handphonenya.

Kemudian mereka membuka kembali peti mati nya dan menaruh handphone serta Simcard nya. Setelah itu mereka mencoba untuk mengangkat kembali peti matinya. Dan anehnya peti mati itu dapat diangkat dan dipindahkan ke mobil jenazah dengan mudah. Kami semua yang melihat ini sangat kaget.

Keluarga Samara tidak memberitahukan tentang kematian Samara kepada Ari. Setelah 2 minggu kematian Samara, Ari menelepon mama Samara dan berkata " Saya akan pulang hari ini, tolong buatkan masakan yang enak untukku. Dan jangan katakan pada Samara bahwa aku akan datang, aku ingin membuat kejutan untuknya "
Mama Samara menjawab " Datanglah dahulu, tante ingin memberi tahu sesuatu. " Setelah Ari datang, mereka memberitahukan tentang kematian Samara.
Ari mengira mereka sedang bercanda, dia hanya tertawa dan berkata " Jangan bercanda, bilang pada Samara untuk keluar, aku membawa sesuatu untuk nya."

Akhirnya mereka membawa Ari ke kuburan Samara. Ari sangat terkejut. Lalu Ari berkata, "Ini tidak mungkin. Kami berbicara kemarin. Dia masih tetap menelepon" Ari bergetar.

Tiba-tiba handphone nya berbunyi, "Lihat ini dari Samara, lihat ini..." Ari memperlihatkan handphone nya ke keluarga Samara, dan mereka menyuruh Ari untuk menjawab.
Ari menjawab telepon itu dengan memakai speaker. Mereka semua mendengar pembicaraan itu dengan sangat jelas & jernih, tidak ada gangguan apapun. Dan itu benar2 suara Samara dan sangat tidak mungkin ada orang lain yang memakainya karena Sim Card nya sudah dikubur bersama Samara.

Mereka semua sangat terkejut dan memanggil "orang pintar" untuk membantu mereka lagi.
"Orang pintar" itu membawa teman nya untuk mencari jawaban atas keanehan ini. orang pintar dan teman nya itu bekerja selama 5 jam. Dan mereka menemukan jawabannya.. ...

"Sinyal kuat INDOSAT. Kemanapun kamu pergi,jaringan nya selalu ada..."

(he...he..he. ..he...he. .)

Why "King Kong" is used to call a Big Monkey?

Why "King Kong" is used to call a Big Monkey?



Why don't use "Great Ape", "King Monkey", "Giant Ape", "Giant Mongkey", or something else ?

Menurut ahli bahasa, kata King Kong berasal dari bahasa Inggris dan bahasa Latin, yang artinya Raja Monyet.
King artinya Raja (bahasa Inggris) dan Kong artinya Monyet (bahasa Latin).

Berikut adalah kata-kata yang menggunakan kata "Kong" :

1. Kong Kali Kong :
Artinya banyak Monyet ! Bayangin , Monyet dikalikan dengan Monyet !

2. Kong Res (Kongres) :
Artinya Monyet Ngumpul ! Res singkatan dari Residu, sisa yang terkumpul.

3. Kong Kow :
Artinya, Monyet Gaul ! Kow dari bahasa Mandarin non-formal yang artinya main, bergaul atau ngerumpi.

4. Ngong Kong :
Artinya Monyet Jongkok ! Ngong artinya duduk atau Jongkok dalam bahasa Sanskerta.

5. Kong Guan :
Artinya Biskuit Monyet, atau Biskuit kesukaan Monyet !

6. Kong Lomerat :
Artinya Kumpulan besar Monyet ! Glomerat artinya menggelinding menjadi bola yang besar.

7. Kong Si (Kongsi) :
Artinya Empat Monyet Pengusaha. Si adalah bahasa Mandarin yang artinya.

8. Cu Kong :
Monyet banyak duitnya ! Cu artinya banyak duit menurut bahasa Mandarin kuno yang sudah kadaluarsa.

9 . Eng Kong :
Artinya Mbahnya Monyet !

10. Sing Kong :
Bukan monyet!
Sing (bhs Bali) artinya bukan. Ya jelas aja masa singkong disamain monyet!? Gile loe ye...

11. Bo Kong :
Bagian tubuh belakang monyet di bagian bawah yang kelihatan
bengkak. Bo = aboh (bahasa Jawa) = bengkak.

13. Jerang Kong :
Kerangka monyet ! Jerang = tulang belulang menurut bahasa antah berantah.

14. Bang Kong :
Monyet bangun kesiangan ! Bang = singkatan dari bangun.

Tulisan ini disusun oleh:

Larry King (Kong)

Long Pray

Slamet masuk ke toko obat dan membeli sebiji kondom.
Dengan riang dia bilang kepada pemilik toko bahwa sebentar lagi dia
akan makan malam dirumah pacarnya. "Bapak kan tahu sendiri, biasanya
setelah itu kan ada kelanjutannya" , tambah slamet sambil
menyeringai. Kondom pun berpindah tangan.

Baru beberapa langkah ke luar toko, dia kembali masuk. "Saya minta
satu lagi", katanya. "Adik pacar saya juga cantik. Agak genit pula.
Saya rasa dia juga naksir saya. Siapa tahu malam ini saya mujur...".
Kondom kedua berpindah tangan.

Slamet kembali masuk dan minta tambahan satu kondom lagi. "Begini,
ibunya juga tak kalah seksi. Penampilannya jauh lebih muda dari
usianya. Dan kalau duduk di depan saya, dia selalu menyilangkan
kaki. Saya yakin dia juga tak keberatan kalau saya dekati...".

Dengan berbekal tiga kondom, Slamet datang ke rumah pacarnya sambil
tak putus bersiul. Sajian sudah siap. Pacar Slamet, adik dan ibunya
sudah menunggu. Slamet pun langsung bergabung.
Mereka menunggu sang ayah.Begitu sang ayah masuk ke ruang makan,
Slamet langsung memimpin doa sambil menunduk dalam-dalam. Yang lain-
lain ikut menundukkan kepala.

Satu menit berlalu. Slamet makin khusuk berdoa. Dua menit. Slamet
terus komat-kamit -- cukup panjang untuk sebuah doa sebelum makan.
Pada menit keempat, pacarnya menyenggol kakinya dan berbisik, "Saya
baru tahu kamu ternyata sangat religius".Sambil terus menunduk,
Slamet menjawab dengan suara hampir menangis: "Saya juga baru tahu
ayah kamu yang punya toko obat...."

Hue hue hue .... kapok loe slamet!